When Grief Will Not Let Go

Written By Rachel Williams

Most of us have been told, in one way or another, that grief takes time.   And that is true, for the most part.   But for some people, time alone does not bring the relief it is supposed to.   Months pass, sometimes years, and the pain remains just as sharp, just as consuming.

This is not a failure of coping.   It is not a sign of being too sensitive or too attached.   For around one in ten bereaved adults, grief settles into something clinically distinct from the natural grieving process (Lundorff et al., 2017).   Researchers and clinicians now have a name for it: Prolonged Grief Disorder.

What Is Prolonged Grief Disorder?

Prolonged Grief Disorder, or PGD, was formally added to the World Health Organization's International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) in 2018 and to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5-TR in 2022 (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).   Its recognition as a distinct condition matters, because it opens the door to targeted, effective treatment.

PGD is characterised by intense, persistent yearning for the person who has died, alongside an inability to move forward with daily life.   The grief does not fade in the way that most people experience.   Instead, it stays at crisis level, often for a year or more after the loss.

UNSW Scientia Professor Richard Bryant, one of Australia's leading researchers in this area, describes it simply: "missing the person very much, having a lot of sadness, feeling that life is meaningless" (Bryant, 2026).   His February 2026 paper in Trends in Neurosciences identified the brain's reward circuits as central to why some grief becomes stuck, where the brain keeps seeking reconnection with someone who can no longer be reached.

Signs That Grief May Have Become Prolonged

There is no set timeline for grief, and everyone processes loss differently. That said, some signs may point to PGD rather than natural bereavement:

  • Intense longing or yearning for the person that has not eased after twelve months or more

  • Difficulty accepting that the loss is real or permanent

  • Feeling that life has no meaning or purpose without that person

  • Withdrawing from relationships, work, or activities that once felt important

  • A persistent sense of numbness, bitterness, or emotional disconnection

  • Constant preoccupation with thoughts about the person or the circumstances of their death

  • Finding it hard to imagine a future

These experiences are not signs of weakness.   Research suggests that PGD is more common after sudden or traumatic deaths, the loss of a child, and deaths by suicide (Prigerson et al., 2021).   Factors like social isolation and prior mental health history can also increase vulnerability.

When Is Grief "Too Long"?

This is a question people ask quietly, often with a sense of shame attached.   The short answer is that the twelve-month mark is a clinical threshold used by researchers, not a deadline for feeling better.   Grief does not follow a schedule, and normal grief can include waves of sadness that return on anniversaries, birthdays, or ordinary Tuesdays.

The difference with PGD is one of intensity and impairment.   Normal grief, while painful, gradually allows a person to re-engage with life.   PGD keeps a person locked out of that process.   If grief is preventing you from working, maintaining relationships, or caring for yourself, that is worth taking seriously regardless of how much time has passed.

What the Research Says About Treatment

The good news is that PGD responds well to treatment.   Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) has strong evidence behind it, particularly grief-focused CBT that includes processing memories of the loss and gradually re-engaging with life (Bryant et al., 2018).   A 2024 UNSW study comparing CBT to mindfulness-based therapy found that grief-focused CBT produced more lasting results at six months follow-up (UNSW Sydney, 2024).

A 2026 Adelaide University study also found promising results for a brief, two-session intervention adapted from EMDR techniques, with two-thirds of participants with clinical-level grief symptoms dropping below the diagnostic threshold by follow-up (Nehmy, 2026).   Research in this area is moving quickly, and the message is consistent: persistent grief is treatable.

How a Psychologist Can Help

Seeing a psychologist for grief can feel like a big step, particularly if part of you worries it means "pathologising" something that should be private.   But grief support is not about being told you are grieving incorrectly.   It is about getting company in a painful process, and access to tools that can help shift the parts of grief that have become stuck.

At Valentia Health in Taringa, Brisbane, the team works with people navigating grief and loss in its many forms, from recent bereavement to losses that happened years ago and have never fully resolved.   Sessions are available in person and via telehealth across Australia, which means support is accessible wherever you are.

If you hold a Mental Health Care Plan from your GP, you may be eligible for Medicare rebates on individual sessions with a psychologist.   For many people, this makes regular psychological support far more affordable than expected.

Reaching Out

If this has described something you have been living with, quietly and perhaps for a long time, it is worth speaking to someone.   A conversation with your GP is a good starting point: they can assess whether a Mental Health Care Plan is right for you and refer you to a psychologist from there.

You can also visit valentiahealth.com.au to learn more about the grief support available at Valentia Health, or to book a consultation directly.   Support is available in Taringa, Brisbane, and via telehealth for clients across Queensland and the rest of Australia.

 

References

 

This post is for general informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional psychological advice.   If you are in crisis, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or call 000.

Rachel Williams
Next

Why Winter Can Affect Your Mood, Even in Australia