Today is Remembrance Day, and for many Australian families it brings up more than the minute's silence. Living alongside someone with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is one of the quieter parts of that story, and it isn't limited to veterans. First responders, people who have been through serious accidents, violence, natural disasters or a frightening birth can all develop PTSD. The people who love them often end up asking the same two questions: how do I help, and how do I stay okay while I do it?
How common is PTSD in Australia?
Traumatic experiences are far more common than most of us realise. The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) estimates that 75% of Australian adults have been through a traumatic event at some point in their life, yet most people recover with time and support from those around them (AIHW). Around 11% of Australians will experience PTSD in their lifetime, and women are at almost twice the risk of men (AIHW). Rates are also higher among emergency services workers, defence personnel and veterans.
What PTSD can look like at home
PTSD doesn't always look like the dramatic flashbacks shown in films. At home it often shows up in smaller ways that are easy to take personally. SANE Australia describes four broad groups of symptoms (SANE Australia):
Unwanted memories, nightmares or flashbacks, sometimes with a racing heart, sweating or panic
Avoiding places, people, conversations or activities that bring the event to mind
Changes in mood and thinking, such as guilt, shame, low mood or feeling detached from loved ones
Feeling on edge or irritable, being easily startled, or struggling with sleep and concentration
For partners, the avoidance and edginess are often what hurt most. Open Arms notes that avoidance can reduce intimacy and relationship satisfaction, and that many partners describe feeling like they are "walking on eggshells" (Open Arms). If that sounds familiar, you are not imagining it and you are not overreacting.
Practical ways to support your partner
Learn about PTSD together, because understanding the symptoms makes it easier to see the condition rather than the person when things get hard.
Ask rather than assume, since your partner knows best what helps them. A simple "what would be useful right now?" can go a long way.
Help with grounding during a flashback by speaking calmly, reminding them where they are and that they are safe now, and avoiding sudden touch unless they have said it helps.
Keep some ordinary routines going, like shared meals, walks and small weekend plans, so life doesn't shrink down to PTSD.
Let them choose when and how much to talk about what happened, and listen without pressing for details.
Encourage professional help gently, because love matters enormously but it can't treat PTSD on its own.
The good news is that treatment works
PTSD is very treatable, even when symptoms have been around for years. Recommended psychological treatments include trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), EMDR and exposure therapy, and therapy usually begins by building a sense of safety (SANE Australia). Recovery rarely moves in a straight line, but many people find their symptoms ease a great deal.
At Valentia Health, our psychologists work with adults living with trauma and PTSD, as well as couples and families who are feeling the strain. Some people start with individual therapy, while others find it helpful to bring a partner along for a few sessions so they can understand what is happening together.
Looking after yourself matters too
Supporting someone with PTSD can be exhausting, and partners can develop their own anxiety, low mood and sense of isolation (Open Arms). It is also common to slowly stop doing the things that used to keep you well. A few things that can help:
Stay connected with your own friends, hobbies and routines, even when your partner pulls back from theirs.
Set boundaries, because it is okay for family and friends to put limits in place and prioritise their own health (SANE Australia).
Get support of your own, whether that is a trusted friend, a support group or a psychologist.
PTSD can help explain irritability or distance, but it never makes abuse okay. If you ever feel unsafe, you can contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or call 000 in an emergency. If your partner is a current or former ADF member, Open Arms offers free, confidential counselling for veterans and their families on 1800 011 046 (Open Arms).
When to reach out
It may be time to talk to someone if symptoms have lasted more than a month, if they are affecting work, sleep or your relationship, or if either of you is finding it hard to cope. You don't need to wait until things reach a crisis point, and asking questions like this one is already a positive step.
If you or your partner would like support, Valentia Health offers in-person sessions in Taringa, close to Indooroopilly and Toowong, as well as telehealth across Australia. Medicare rebates may be available with a Mental Health Treatment Plan (often called a Mental Health Care Plan) from your GP. Visit valentiahealth.com.au or call (07) 3544 6748 to book in with one of our psychologists.
This post is for general informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional psychological advice. If you are in crisis, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or call 000.
References
Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW). Stress and trauma. Accessed 11 November 2026. https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/mental-health/stress-and-trauma
Open Arms, Veterans & Families Counselling. PTSD and relationships. Accessed 11 November 2026. https://www.openarms.gov.au/who-we-help/partners/ptsd-and-relationships
SANE Australia. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Accessed 11 November 2026. https://www.sane.org/information-stories/facts-and-guides/post-traumatic-stress-disorder